Bam Margera is a Cunt.

All right kiddos, here’s the deal. I had a whole bunch of posts set up that led up to a spectacular finale of intense bitchery. Only I got caught up in having a life and didn’t update for over a month. So instead, I’m just going to roll it all into one fun filled, haterade guzzling bitchfest.

Enjoy.

I love Iggy Pop (and the Stooges). He’s amazing and all that shit, I won’t get into the list. He’s been making music for ages and he knows what the fuck he’s doing. He’s a goddamn legend and if you only know him from those god-fucking-awful Carnival Cruise commercials, then I hope you die.

Short and to the point? Iggy Pop is a goddamn god. Respect it.

I love Turbonegro. They’re ridiculous and out there and not afraid of jack shit. They rule over you and your crappy emo band. They’re loud and obnoxious and wildly inappropriate and come with a warning label. Also, foreign music just wins. It’s better than American shit and if you can’t accept that then fuck you. Again, I’m not bothering with the list.

I love the Misfits. They’re the original punk and they original always does it best.  You cannot go wrong driving around and blasting any of the Misfits old music. Plus, any good Misfit’s fan could definitely kick your ass for any sort of blasphemous remark.

So. Listed all together (and excluding the Projekt Revolution* post, which was not part of the planned events.) what do we have?

We have HIM

The Bloodhound Gang

Iggy Pop

Turbonegro

The Misfits

Anyone get what I’m hinting at?

Yeah, fuckin right.

Bam Marger ruins EVERYTHING.

He’s a dirty, smarmy, talentless hack that can’t do shit expect ride a skateboard and he’s not even very good at that.

He popularized the heartagram and HIM. He featured Bloodhound Gang and Turbonegro on his first bullshit TV show. (You know, the one that perpetuated the Elvis myth that ‘Viva’ is actually a word in Spanish. It’s not.)

And Iggy Pop was featured on his second, far more bullshit filled, TV show. (You know, the one about his ‘wedding’ to some chick no one’s ever heard of?)

He can’t help but flaunt what he considers superior taste in music by dressing in head to foot in band gear. The Misfits are my case and point, as there more scenes in Jackass Two where he’s wearing their symbol or mentioning them then there are scenes where you don’t see or hear from him. Fuck yeah the Misfits rock but now they just have that special taint, that light acrid aftertaste that only Bam fucking Margera in all his absolute cuntiness can provide.

Everything he touches turns to shit. Veins of Jenna is actually a decent band. Or at least they were until they signed with his ridiculous record label, Filthy Note. And now? Veins of Jenna is “that band that’s on Bam’s label! They’re awesome!”

FUCK YOU!

Jackass the TV show? Brilliant

Jackass the Movie? Magnificent

Jackass Number Two? Better than the first.

Bam? The pussiest little bastard on the face of the planet. I love the second movie twice as much simply because he cries TWICE. (Yeah. I said it. I hate him THAT MUCH.)

Like everything else in this post, I’m short and to the point.

He’s a fuckstick. I wish that he would fade into obscurity like he was supposed to after Jackass ended but he refuses to GO THE HELL AWAY. I won’t wish death on him because that could be considered a threat and I haven’t got the time for jail but Jesus Fucking Christ, someone needs to make that greasy little bastard SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The only thing worse than Bam Margera are his fans. The ones with heartagrams and his bullshit image all over themselves. I can’t turn around anymore without seeing some fat ten year old with a beanie and a tee shirt with BAM and a giant heartagram on it. I know you all know what I’m talking about. If you see these people, CAUSE THEM PHYSICAL HARM. There is no excuse for walking around in clothing that gives your body it’s own sound effect. No excuse. NONE.

*Projekt Revolution tickets are STUPID expensive and it’s not worth my time, money, or effort to go. I won’t put up with that shit, I’ll have to see the decent bands that are touring on it at another time.