Projekt Revolution Makes Me Want to Kill Myself

I have no wit today. The title is a blunt representation of how I feel right now.

This is an emergency posting that does not really deal with a specific band, or fit with the theme I had going for this week. (Yes, there’s a theme. Fear not, we’ll return to it and it will eventually be explained)

This post has more do to with the travesty of a tour, Projekt Revolution.

I hate rap/hip-hop/rock crossovers. I hate them. So from the very beginning, this tour has a problem. But I could move past it, you know, just ignore it. It’s headlined by Linkin Park, who I hate, so I could just ignore it. And I was, until I got a look at the line up of this tour.

It didn’t start out so bad. Placebo, I hate them so, fine. Taking Back Sunday, Saosin, possibly Mastodon. Not a big fan of any of those either, so… whatever floats Linkin Park’s boat is just fine with me.

My Chemical Romance is where things start going downhill, for me at least.

I admit, I love My Chemical Romance. I have since their first album came out in 2002. Their butchered and popified now, but I still love them. I can’t help it. When I love a band, I love them to their fiery, fangirl filled, washed up, sellout apocalypse.

I’m loyal, what can I say? So, if it were just My Chemical Romance, I would understand. They’re all popular now, so it makes sense that they’d be touring with a bunch of pretty shitty bands.

And then we come to the next stumbling block.

HIM. We all know how I feel about them and it’s another one of those “they’re pretty much sold out, but I’m clinging on until the inevitable implosion,” type things. So they make sense as well. I don’t LIKE it, but I can live with it, because it makes sense. Fairly logical band to have on the tour.

Here’s where we hit the part were I start tearing out my hair and screaming.

Mindless Self Indulgence. MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE! Touring with fucking LINKIN PARK! LIKIN PARK AND FUCKING TAKING BACK SUNDAY!

I honestly have zero composure right now, so obviously this post is more from the heart than from my reasoning skills.

I LOVE Mindless Self Indulgence. They’ll have their own post later on so I’m not going to get into WHY I love them, just be content with the fact that I DO. I own their CDs! I paid for them! I own their merch! I paid for that too! I love this band enough to actually spend my money on them! I’ve been to their shows, and I’ve thrown things on stage! I THREW MY SHIRT AT JIMMY URINE, OKAY?! OKAY?!

AND THEY’RE ON THE GODDAMN PROJEKT (with a goddamn K!) REVOLUTION TOUR!

They were a fairly unknown band. I liked it that way. I could enjoy them and their shows and know that the other people there were real fans, not bandwagon ones. I could listen to them in peace and not have to deal with fat scene girls and obnoxious ninety-five pound boys in girl pants.

Projekt Revolution is going to ruin them. With a line up containing HIM, My Chemical Romance, and Linkin Park every single scene/emo/ANNOYING FUCKER fan on the face of the PLANET will be drawn to that tour. It doesn’t make sense that they’re on this tour. Jimmy Urine HATES My Chemical Romance. He HATES them. It’s a recorded fact that he HATES Gerard Way and he hates the whole damn band. And now they’re touring together? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! It’s completely illogical and I hate it. And the worst dilemma is that I have to go to this tour! It’s a train wreck, I can’t not. I have to go and see every little bitch fan ruin HIM, and ruin My Chemical Romance and BUTCHER Mindless Self Indulgence. It’s not in me to pass up a chance to see three of my favorite bands all in one go. (And maybe more! The lineups not finished yet!)

I know that I will come home from that concert half bald, sobbing brokenly with broken hands from punching people. I know that I will. It overwhelms me and give me goose bumps to think about it. It’s going to be a disaster, and I have to go. I am going to force myself to watch the downfall of one of my favorite bands.

And the only POSSIBLE reason that I can come up with for Mindless Self Indulgence being on this tour is the fact that they’re touring with HIM on the Give It A Name tour in Europe right now.

That’s the ONLY connection I can find. And if HIM is responsible for the ruination of another of my favorite bands… I don’t know. I just don’t know. I think my head might explode.

It’s a little too horrifying to think about.

You, Me, Baby, and the Bloodhound Gang

Quick background

Bloodhound Gang is a comedy rock/post-punk revival band from Pennsylvania composed of five current members:

Jimmy Pop, Vocals/Guitar

Lupus Thunder, Guitar/Back up vocals

Evil Jared Hasselhoff, Bass/Back up vocals

DJ Q-Ball, Turntables/Vocals

The Yin, Drums

They currently have four albums:

Use Your Fingers

One Fierce Beer Coaster

Hooray for Boobies

Hefty Fine

I love the Bloodhound Gang.

Reasons:

1. They’re fucking hysterical

2. Their music could be considered rap or hip-hop, but has far smarter and funnier lyrics than “I slapped a bitch / and shot her pimp,” if you catch my drift.

3. Everyone knows their music, but no one knows that they do.

4. There is no such thing as the Bloodhound Gang going “too far” with a lyric or a song.

5. They manage to change and reinvent their sound from album to album without pissing off their original fans.

6. Each album is different from, and just as good as, the last.

7. They are always current and relevant.

8. All throughout the lyrics there are references to pop culture, classic writing, (Voltaire, anyone? Or J.D Salinger.) and old adages that everyone understands. (“You’re pretty when I’m drunk / and I’m pretty fucking drunk,” [You're Pretty When I'm Drunk, Use Your Fingers (1995)])

9. They’re one of the most offensive bands I’ve ever listened to, and it makes me love them.

10. They don’t apologize, so they get away with it.

Here’s where the bitching starts:

There isn’t any. I just honestly love the Bloodhound Gang. The only possibly complaint I can come up with is that they’re only playing shows in Europe right now, and unfortunately, I don’t live in Europe.

By never bothering to apologize or explain anything that they do, the Bloodhound Gang gets away with some of the nastiest, most offensive, and funniest lyrics ever. And they don’t just offend women or blacks or whites or Asians or Mexicans or Middle Eastern people or stupid people or mentally retarded people, they offend EVERYONE. That’s the best way to go about anything. Either piss off everyone, or don’t piss off anyone. And it’s almost impossible to never piss off anyone.

If I had to compare the Bloodhound Gang to anyone, I’d have to say they’re Carlos Mencia in music form. Except that they’re better than Carlos Mencia because they’ve been doing it longer, and they do it better.

When they have a point to make, they make it and that’s the end of it. When they don’t really have anything to say, they just sing funny shit. They say what they have to say and move on. It’s done effectively and bluntly without a wasted syllable.

I’m also a big fan of the “shorts” between a lot of the songs on the albums. Never longer than thirty or forty seconds, they’re just random bits that the band decided to throw in. The funniest one I can think of off the top of my head is “Overheard in a Wawa Parking Lot,” and it goes like this

“The only thing goin’ down in this car is the winda cuz your pussy stank!”

I did warn you that they were offensive.

Everyone has heard the song The Bad Touch, or at least parts of it. The best part about that song is everyone knows it, but no one knows the name of it, or who it’s by. And if you think that you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me help you out.

“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals / So lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel,”

You know the song. For future reference, it’s track ten on Hooray for Boobies (2000). Any and all of their albums are worth purchasing, or downloading. I don’t know how successful you’ll be finding them at your local FYE or Strawberries (because for the most part I don’t shop in those places) but they can definitely be found on iTunes, and major music stores are worth a look, at least. And if you have an awesome record shop in the vicinity of your residence, they can be found there. And if you don’t pay for music (which, admittedly, I generally don’t.) search your download program. You’ll probably find something.

HIM (You Know, That Band, From Finland?)

Short background:

HIM (Not H.I.M, damn you!) is a rock (I say rock because their genre is very disputed. I could also say Gothic Rock, Gothic Metal, Metal, Love Metal, or, I suppose, Alternative.) band from Finland composed of five members.

Ville Valo, vocals

Linde Lindstrom, guitar

Mige Amour, bass

Burton Emerson, Keyboard

Gas Lipstick, Drums (Yes. Stage names, for the most part. I actually haven’t got a clue what the real names are. It’s about the music, and even if I knew them I wouldn’t be able to spell them.)  Currently they have seven albums. 666 Ways to Love:  Prologue; Greatest Love Songs Vol. 666; Razorblade Romance; Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights; Love Metal, Dark Light; Uneasy Listening Vol. 1; and Uneasy Listening Vol. 2

I love HIM.

Reasons:

1. Melancholy lyrics that aren’t afraid to appear blunt. (But really they’re not. At all.)
2. References are found through all albums to famous writers. Poe and Baudelaire, to name a few.
3. Melancholy lyrics that are really about what all music is really about: sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. (Yes, there are songs that are about other things. I’m making what’s called a generalization.)
4. Foreign music just beats new American music. (There is classic American music that wins. We’ll get to it eventually.) It just DOES. Accept it.
5. Use of keyboard is brilliant. (I.E. Both the use of keyboard, and the keyboardist, Burton Emerson. I refer to stage names because they’re easier to spell.)
6. The heartagram (which, yes, IS HIM’s symbol. I’ve a whole rant on that as well. All in good time, darlings.) is an ace symbol.
7. Valo has a versatile, varied, and wide vocal range.
8. They only have one bad album so far, which is more than I can say about a lot of other bands.
9. Even their bad album isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard. It’s just comparatively bad.
10. They were a relative unknown in American up until late 2005. Which meant I could listen to them in peace.

Here’s where the bitching starts:

            My original HIM complaint was that Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights (2001) is an underrated album. Up until 2005, for anyone who knew HIM, the favorite album was either Razorblade Romance (2000) or Love Metal (2003). These are amazing albums, don’t get me wrong. Greatest Love Songs Vol. 666 (1997) isn’t too shabby either, but I’ve always had a special love for Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights. It wasn’t my first HIM album (that honor goes to Razorblade Romance.) and it wasn’t the best album I’ve ever listened to (I have yet to choose that one, actually.) but I always thought that HIM fans, even proper ones, never gave it the credit it deserved. Maybe I just like it best because no one else seems to, but up until 2005, that was my biggest complaint about the band and things associated it with it. (I.E. the fans). And then Dark Light came out.

            Dark Light (2005, their latest) is a crappy album. It’s very poppy, whether or not that’s what the intention was. It’s written and produced in such a way that, if you so choose, you can ignore any deeper meaning that could possibly be found. Either that or you’re between the ages of eleven and fourteen and the words “deeper meaning in music” mean nothing to you.  If you’re younger than eleven your favorite song is probably something from the Pussy Cat Dolls (AKA The Spice Girls version 2.0), and also, what the hell are you doing on the Internet without parental supervision? (Which is the only way you found this blog.)

            But I digress. I strongly dislike the album Dark Light, and I also eschew the singles from it. Wings of a Butterfly and Killing Loneliness are two of my least favorite songs from the entire album. The fact that I’ve been subjected to obnoxious young teens raving about them just makes it all the worse. The video for Wings of a Butterfly depends on too much green screen for my tastes and while the original video for Killing Loneliness wasn’t terrible, the newer one contains too many fangirls for me to have any appreciation for it. Though I do applaud it being pretty much a straight performance video and the shots of Valo being tattooed (as well as the tattoo itself) are very cool.

I could let Dark Light go. Really, I could. I have the ability to forgive and forget, especially stumbles and missteps from my favorite bands. They happen to the best of us. The problem in forgiving Dark Light is the next HIM album, due out July tenth. The name of the prospective album is, I shit you not, Venus Doom.  That is, quite possibly, one of the worst album names in the HISTORY of album names. And some of the track titles from this album include “Passion’s Killing Floor”, “Bleed Well”, “Love in Cold Blood”, “The Kiss of Dawn,” and “Dead Lovers Lane”.

Some of those sound good! They do! Kiss of Dawn? Bring it. Love in Cold Blood? Fits squarely in HIM’s vein of track titles. Passion’s Killing Floor? I can give it a pass. It has potential. I have faith in Valo’s song writing abilities.

Bleed Well is where we hit the “too emo to have a chance” realm of music. I haven’t heard the song, I can’t judge. When the album comes out, I will certainly give it a chance. But a song title like that just automatically sets a track back. Add that to an album titled Venus Doom and, well… I don’t know.

Dead Lovers Lane. I have a theory about this song. I think that if it embraces the wackiness of it’s title and is somehow connected to a serial killer, that it could be a truly fantastic cult classic of a song. Chances of that happening are slim to none, but one can hope I suppose.

I have hope for the album. From all accounts, it’s going to be very guitar-centric and the heaviest thing HIM’s done yet. I’m all for that. Anything heavy to scare away at least a few of the fangirls Dark Light brought about is a good thing in my book. Will I be purchasing this album the day it comes out? Yes. HIM comes in a very close second to my favorite band. (The Doors. They win. They just do.) Chances of me, on the whole, liking this album are better than I thought they would be. After Dark Light I just about lost all faith in any future work, but I may be proven wrong. (I hope that I am proven wrong. A lot of the time, I would like to be proven wrong. Generally, I’m not.) 

It comes down to this:  if Venus Doom is good, I can forgive Dark Light. If it’s not, then I will always be able to trace HIM’s downfall to washed up, sellout band to that album.

Here’s my final tidbit. Fangirls (and boys) are the bane of my existence. If your reasons for liking HIM include “Ville Valo is SO HOTT!” then I suggest you never visit this blog again. If you’ve ever pronounced Ville Valo’s name as Vile Valo, I suggest you never visit this blog again. If you stared at your computer screen in horror and cursed me for hating the song Wings of a Butterfly because, like, it’s your favorite song, I suggest you never visit this blog again. If Dark Light is the only HIM album you own, or the only one you’ve ever listened to, then I suggest you never visit this blog again. If you can’t name any of the members of HIM past Valo (I’d even settle for stage names, because those ARE what I go by. I love the music, not the men.) then I suggest that you never visit this blog ever again. If you own a HIM shirt from Hot Topic (In fact, if you own anything from Hot Topic that you didn’t steal.) then I suggest you never visit this blog again. And finally, if you frowned at number six on my list and frantically opened a Wikipedia page muttering “The heartagram is Bam’s symbol!” then I suggest that you never visit this blog again.

I know there are fangirls for other bands. I KNOW. TRUST ME, I BLOODY KNOW!  I just dedicated this post to my bitching about HIM, so I figured I’d use HIM fangirls as my example.

 

It Needed to Be Done…

I cannot find a good music blog on the web. I can’t. I’ve searched and I’ve tried and I can’t find one. Yes, I deal with underground music, but not that much of it, and is it so much to ask that at least one of the incompetent fools out there with Internet access and a blog have good taste? Evidently, yes.

So, therefore, the starting of my own blog was needed. I don’t care if you like it, if you agree with it, or if you even have a clue as to what I’m talking about most of the time.

I will deal mostly with music that I love. Sometimes I will deal with music that I hate. Occasionally I’ll deal with things I hate in general, and you will all be treated to a rant.

Mostly I’ll stick to the music.